Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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