I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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