I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize