He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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