Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I know her cup size but not her name....
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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