so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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