If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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