i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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