I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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