the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
nutella sex= disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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