i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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