i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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