Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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