i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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