There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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