But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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