I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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