No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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