Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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