I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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