Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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