24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize