I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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