My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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