Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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