just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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