I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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