i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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