It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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