when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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