Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize