wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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