dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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