So drunk its hurt
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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