I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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