i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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