I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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