You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize