I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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