foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize