woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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