Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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