I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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