last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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