I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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