she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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