I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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