You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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