I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize