I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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